the wall

inside of me, there's a wall.
A wall built by pain, by suffering,and by self-loathing

the wall is good, it prevents me from caring what people think of me,
the wall is bad, because I still care what people think of me

the wall is good, for lets emotions through that do not particularly matter
the wall is bad, for it keeps emotions bottled up inside me that should not be bottled up

the wall is good, because I no longer get bullied
the wall is bad, because I can no longer tell when bullying is happening, and therefore, am powerless to stop it

the wall is good, for I no longer have to cry
the wall is bad, because I no longer can cry

the wall is good, because it prevents me from getting angry
the wall is bad, because I don't get angry at things that I should

the wall was built in the seventh grade.
they year that I was bullied the worst
I got sad, and angry, and depressed

Eventually i just stopped caring, thinking "how could it get any worse?"
But then I realized, "Hey! I don't care what they say anymore!"
And once they realized that I did not care what they thought, they stopped!
and I was so happy,
I saw my friends truly
and that they didn't care what the stupid people thought
they liked me, and that's why they were my friends!

but then I realized
that I did not care what my friends thought.
and I was sad

to this day, I still have trouble caring.
I care on the inside, but not on the out.

and the wall stays with me,
a bittersweet memory
of a troubled past